Asking for Help
My great-grandmother and grandmother pitching a tent.
It’s a power move. I had no idea. All this time, I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness. After all, I come from a long line of strong independent women, and we can do things ourselves. We can move heavy furniture, drive across the country with three kids and a pregnant cat, ride fast horses, and rope a tornado. I’ve never roped a tornado. That idea came from a book I used to read to my boys call Tall Tales. But, if I had to, I’m pretty sure I could.
Early in our relationship, Mickey and I were moving into a house together. I was wrestling a queen mattress up the stairs when Mickey jumped in to help. My youngest son, who was watching, told him, “Stand back, she doesn’t want any help.” He was right. That’s what I had taught him through my actions.
Doing things myself is not 100% stubbornness. I love to problem-solve and figure out new ways to do things. As you can guess, this is a constant source of irritation to my husband when we work on a project together. After twenty years, I finally get it — we think and see things differently. For example, when it comes to measurements, within a half-inch is good for me. This is not the case with Mickey. He thinks measurements should be exact, marked with a thin pencil line that I can’t even see with my glasses. When he cuts a board, he uses power saws, earplugs, and safety glasses. By the time he gets everything set up, I’ve already cut the board with my hand saw and nailed it up. Also, I like to make things up as I go, with repurposed materials, cool accents, and no clear set of plans. That being said, to avoid a guaranteed argument when I build something, I do it when Mickey is busy. This brings me to my latest project.
I decided I wanted a shade covering over our deck to protect our shed/house from the intense afternoon sun. I put up four posts, pulled some 2x4 boards off an old barn that had fallen, and attached the boards to the posts with some horseshoes I had gathered on my morning walks. Then I let it sit for several weeks. Mickey didn’t say a word. I added a few more boards for the roof support, and then I started to doubt myself. Although I didn’t have to worry about snow load as I did in Colorado, I had to think about tornados, and I wasn’t sure it was strong enough. So, after thinking about it for a while, I decided to ask Mickey for help. Of course, I knew what this meant. He would want to know if my measurements were exact, which of course they weren’t. We use different tape measures and mine is an “about” tape — it’s about 24” or about 6’, you get the idea. This discrepancy in measurements required taking down my last two boards and remarking and recutting the boards — wearing earplugs, and safety glasses. I’m thrilled with the result. It’s much more solid than what I had going on, and my horseshoes are still intact.
In Sanskrit, the root of the word “ask” is to seek, to put forth an energy to seek something you need. However, something I had never considered is that asking goes hand in hand with believing something is possible, and we all know what happens when we believe -- everything changes. Ask, and you shall receive. Give, and the world gives back.
“We all have gifts that we can give, gifts of love and happiness, colors that shine bright from the edges of our lives. It’s the beauty of this life and what is possible — Chase the Sun lyrics”
I admit, asking for help is hard for me. But the more I soften and learn to trust, a deeper truth is coming to the surface. It’s like finding a secret door to a room filled with treasure. It allows the light and energy from others to flood into my life, making room for something new, different, and better. And, most of all, it’s teaching me to receive.
